a little bit of love.

life has been really good. 2012 was a year of adventure, rekindling of new and old friendships, and stepping way out of my comfort zone to discover all of who i am. ive been meaning to blog way more about that….

happy 2013. may it bring joy and abundance to each and every one of you! xo

(Source: theburiedlife, via be-the-change)

meh.

Brooke Davis (One Tree Hill)

(Source: beingadequate, via fornowjustcarryon)

missing haiti.
always.  

whaddup fam!?

just..stop it.

(Source: hydrotoxicity, via sparkingguparhythm)

needed a place to put my thoughts this morning. this place felt right.

lots has been going on lately, which is why i haven’t been posting much. i’m trying really, REALLY hard to get my life in order, and i’m finding it to be a lot more challenging than i had expected. i have a lot more to work on than i thought. its amazing what can happen when you get space from chaos and get to sit with yourself. 

ive been doing a lot of reflecting on the person that i am now and the person that i want to be. though i know that i should be okay with who i am right now, i know that there is always room for improvement. i’m starting to see habits and patterns that i just want to break.

i see the way that i dwell on the past and how much those events have affected the person that i am and the way that i react to things. i see the way that i worry. the way that i worry about what other people think. some of my self conciousness has ceased, thank God, but some is still there. i catch myself in a judgement zone for none other than me so often. 

and onto the relationship status. still single. starting to feel very single. jon was busy with mid-terms these past few weeks so i didnt see him or talk to him during that time. when i saw him last night, things were okay. i’m not sure where this is going and i feel like i have this extreme fear of losing him as a friend if things don’t work out. not to say that things wont because who knows, they might. but i feel like i can never be sure because of my freakin past and the way that guys have just kind of dumped me to the side of the road. i have this anxiety that everything’s just going to fall apart tragically. but i know that he’s not the person to go at things like that. and since we have the same group of friends, its even less likely. 

are these doubts normal? i feel like i shouldn’t be doubting things if everything’s going to work out. at least that’s what everyone seems to say. 

head full of doubt. 

the anxiety within me right now is off the chain. i need to go take a walk. 

valentines day relationship alert is on. hahahaha. 

here’s the situation. any thoughts are welcome.

i met this guy on new years eve. we started talking and hit it off; i found it strange that i could tell him practically my whole life and he didn’t really see it as a big deal. he basically knows a lot more about me than most, and i dont know if it was so easy to tell him because he graduated with a degree in psychology or i’m just that comfortable.
i’d like to think its the latter.

anyways, we started hanging out. for about a week, we hung out every single night. we both ended up getting WAY behind in work, and decided it would be best to hang out a little bit less.

i haven’t seen the kid in about a week and a half and its killing me; especially since he lives just a few streets down. he mentioned nothing about valentines day or any kind of date. i know that he’s busy with work, but there hasnt really been any effort…

i’m having a hard time with this one. he’s never been in a ‘real’ relationship so i dont want to clobber him and scare him away, but at the same time i feel like i’m just freakin sitting here waiting for nothing to happen. he’s also very introverted and extremely logical (we’ve already discussed personality types), so he’s not so sensitive to the emotions of others and would rather stay in (and study..) than spend time with friends. 

so far, i’ve told him everything. that i’m scared he’s going to walk away, that all of a sudden the butterflies kicked in…do i tell him that i feel like i’m waiting around for nothing? i dont know what to do.  

oh, heart. 

ah, so heres another ‘its been a while, let me update these people on my so called life’ post. i wish i had more time for my tumblr like i did before, but life is just super chaotic right now and i barely have time to sleep! all good things, though. all good things. 

i have officially moved out of my parents house. and although its only ten minutes down the road, it’s given me the space that i need to get my life back in order. it’s really nice to not have a mom breathing down your neck or parents fussing at you for this or that. my roommate is a friend from high school, so we know each other well enough to know our likes/dislikes, etc. meaning that adjusting hasn’t been so hard.

i finished up the 2011 Global Seva Challenge for Haiti with a bang, raising just under $8000 in five months! it was such an incredible and transformative journey, and its been really significant in helping me find out what my purpose really is. though i wont be going to haiti with Off the Mat (organizers of the seva challenge), i have found my way there and will be traveling to work with a childrens center at the end of march. meaning that i have more fundraising to do. just $1350, though..mild in comparison to $8000. I have also signed on for the 2012 Seva Challenge for India, this time not with the intention of raising the organizations goal of $20,000, but rather for raising the vibration and awareness for sex trafficking, an issue that is an issue in India and all around the world. 

I started teaching yoga again which feels INCREDIBLE.

I am still nannying (and staying sane with these jobs, thank God).

I just had the opportunity to go on a retreat with my Church youth group as a youth advisor. The event is a yearly thing and the kids really look forward to it. This year, I think I may have been just as excited as they were to see old friends, sing great songs, and dive into the Word. I was even MORE blessed to have the opportunity to work as a small group co-leader for a group of eight 11th grade girls. These girls (who I could brag about all day after only knowing them for a weekend) were so ready for questions, deep thoughts, and times to share. My breath was taken away at the end of each session as I saw how the Spirit moved our group. It is AMAZING what happens when you get a group of girls together. It was such an important weekend for them.

I am also working on my 500 hour yoga teacher training and continue to study day in and day out for that.

AND…..drumroll please….I have found an AMAZING guy. No joke on this one, guys. It’s getting serious. I met him on New Years Eve; I’m friends with his brother. We went to lunch after that and the rest is history…our relationship has been consistent, open, and honest. We are expressive with our feelings and I’m pretty sure he knows more about me then most do. It’s incredible how comfortable I feel around him, and I can already tell that he appreciates the person I am, just as I appreciate him. He is warm guy with a gentle spirit, and I think he’s going to be significant in helping me on my journey through life right now. Oh…and his name is Jon. haha! he’s 24 and he LOVES to travel (which caught my attention, of course)..he’s such an explorer and he makes me laugh and smile like i havent in years. i swear i have not had that much stress these past few weeks and i know for a fact it’s because i have him in my life. it’s all in the early stages, and we’ve both agreed to take it just a few steps at a time, but this just fell into place.

it’s amazing what happens when you just let go of the reigns and surrender. everything just falls into place suddenly. that’s what i’ve been finding. it’s never an easy lesson to learn, but i find that when i worry, i worry for nothing because in the end, it’s all going to work out as it’s supposed to.

anyways, thats my life update for now. to whoever read this WHOLE entire thing…please message me with updates on your life. you know i want to know. i miss you guys :) 

XO

new boy in my life=more self hate on my girl brain.

oh. my. gah.

relax, elisa. relax.